ANOBAYAN: “Okay ka naman ah. So bakit single ka pa rin?”

Hi. I’m back.

It’s been three months my dear beshies! Kumusta na kayo dyan? Ako, I’m okay. Semi-enjoying the final days of bakasyon. I realized I’ve been studying / working non-stop for 5 months (ito na ‘yung cue nyo para isiping ang sipag ko… pero sa totoo lang wala akong life) kaya nung pumatak ang buwan ng Hunyo goodbye utak muna.

Ang mahalaga naman ay umabot ako sa #JulyNaMagdangal. To commemorate this awesome month, here’s my favorite Jolina Magdangal song uploaded on Youtube. May libre kasing videoke:

Aside from my goodbye utak phase, I’m just running out of funny stories and anecdotes (ANEK???dotes) kaya wala akong masyadong emote.

That was until this afternoon.

My colleagues and I were at the coffee shop when suddenly (SUDDENLY???) napunta ang usapan sa abilidad kong magmahal. (Kung bakit ba kami napadpad sa topic na yon at 3 freaking PM na parang inakyat sa lupa ang impyerno sa init, hindi ko rin alam.) Sabi ko, magaling naman akong magmahal (I don’t feel any pressure right now…). To which my office mate replied:

“E kung ganon, bakit bakante ka pa rin hanggang ngayon?”

Muntik nang masalaksak ‘yung ngala-ngala ko ng straw. Masaquette. Sinundan niya pa ng:

“Okay ka naman ah. Maganda ka naman. Bakit single ka pa rin?”

THAT DID IT. NAPABILI AKO NG CLOVER CHIPS BARBECUE FLAVOR WITH VITAMINS.

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Ebidensya. Post-processed using VSCO para ~art~

The only question harder than “Bakit wala ka PANG boyfriend?” ay “Okay ka naman ah. Bakit kaya single ka pa rin?” Tapos may follow up pa yan after a *long silence* ng “Bakit kaya?”

As if hindi mo siya narinig the first time.

As if pagkatapos nung katahimikan, may sagot ka na.

Ito ‘yung tanong na mapapaisip ka eh. May mali ba sa akin? Bakit nga ba? Pinupuri mo ba ako o iniinsulto mo ako? Pucha, ano to recollection?? Ngayon mo talaga ako pinagreflect?

WAG AKO, UNIVERSE. W A G  A K O.

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Siguro people mean well but… preno din minsan frens.

Preno na rin sa mga hinahanapan ako ng baby!!! Cute ‘yung pamangkin ko, alam ko pero guys wala pa nga akong jowa tapos anak agad? Immaculate Conception ba ko? Jane the Virgin? Halaman, asexual reproduction? Hindi ako ginawang tao para mag-reproduce asexually. Last week sinabi ko lang na inaantok ako buntis agad. Hindi ba pwedeng pagod lang?? Excited???

Anyway, kung isa ka sa mga na-assault (ASSAULT???) ng tanong na “Okay ka naman ah, bakit single ka pa rin?” here are some practical, useful tips:

1. The Taylor Swift

If there’s one good thing about the whole Kim-Kanye-Taylor feud, it’s this perfectly articulated response from Tay-tay.

“I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of since (insert year).”

Ang galing niya mag-spin. It’s no wonder why she’s one of the best songwriters ever.

Pagkatapos kong basahin ‘to (even though I am sooo team Kim haha), sabi ko na lang “Ang ganda.”

Difficulty level: 1/10 (Optional: Sagutin mo din ‘yung nagtanong through Notes)

2. The PDiggy (SONA edition)

Screen Shot 2016-07-28 at 7.28.10 PM

It’s a nice way of saying: I’m not worried I don’t care who cares???? Why do you care???????

Ako pala talaga ‘yung agit.

Difficulty level: 1/10 (Walang school of acting involved)

3. The Baron Geisler

“ANO? ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?”

Init lang ng ulo ang kailangan dito. Kailangan convincing ‘yung anoooooo??? Closer to a roar (ANOOOOOOOOOOORRROOOOOOOOOARRRR??), the better.

Difficulty level: 4/10

4. The Judy Ann Santos

*silence* *tawa kaunti* *contemplate* *iling nang kaunti* *one tear*

Seryoso ‘yung isang mata lang. Bahala ka na kung kaliwa o kanang mata, pero I recommend dapat don sa kung saan may vantage point ‘yung mahaderang nagtanong. Mahirap ‘to pero feeling ko hindi ka makaka-earn ng libreng jolly spaghetti at chickenjoy.

Difficulty level: 8/10

5. The John Lloyd Cruz

Acting peg: P*tang*na naman Bash?? scene

Proposed script:

Tingin mo ba hindi ko tinatanong sa sarili ko ‘yan gabi-gabi? Okay naman ako diba??? Binibigay ko naman lahat. ANO? KULANG PA BA HA??? ANO PA BANG KULANG?

Mas effective ‘to kapag tinanong ka tapos ‘yung oras sobrang inconvenient para magka-breakdown ka. ‘Yung tipong maliwanag pa. ‘Yung tipong hapon…

‘Yung tipong malapit na mag merienda para may libre kang pagkain (hint: Jollibee C3).

Difficulty level:

  • Kapag litanya lang: 3/10
  • Kapag litanya with major breakdown: 10/10 (this is if you’re willing to risk your dignity for Jolly Spaghetti and Chickenjoy)
  • #3 build up to #4: 10/10. This will take serious acting skills. Maganda ‘yung may build up. Kalmado ka pa at first, akala mo sasagutin mo talaga yung tanong nya pero ang totoo meron kang pasabog. I suggest tumatawa ka rin nang kaunti habang nagre-reflect parang: “Hah hahaha hindi ko nga alam eh… HAHAHAHA ano bang mali sakin? Diba sabi mo ok naman ako? HUHUHU” PANG GRANDSLAM BEST ACTRESS NG FAMAS MEHN.

‘Yung conclusion ko katulad na rin nung isang taon. I know, you guys mean well. It’s not like anti-love na ako. Medyo cynical lang (WOW????) pero overall, gusto ko pa rin namang ma-in love. Excited na nga ako eh. EXCITED???? Pero sana kasi ‘yung mamahalin ko next ‘yung mamahalin rin ako saka ‘yung ok na guys ayoko na mastress alam mo ‘yon??

Ayoko lang ‘yung kapag dumating ang araw na meron na, in bulk sila dumating. Parang wholesale. Mapapadasal na talaga ako kay Lord ng “LIMANG TAON BAKIT HINDI NYO PO DINISTRIBUTE PROPERLY?” Hindi pa naman ako magaling sa multiple choice.

Sabi nga ni Madam Alma, dasal. Dasal lang talaga.

Dadating din tayo diyan beshies. For now, wag ako. Busy me!

Love you guys like a love song! ❤

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3 thoughts on “ANOBAYAN: “Okay ka naman ah. So bakit single ka pa rin?””

  1. Hahaha! Belay, there are two things I learned from this; either you get better at finding the right “justification” or the questions slowly become insignificant at certain phases of your life. Of course, I sincerely wish na di ka na umabot sa point na kagaya ng akin? but, just in case, ayun… just look at me mom (Nido!????!) muah muah.

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