CHOS: Thoughts as of 08/21/12

1. There are some ties worth cutting, some bridges worth burning. I realized this when I just knew, I had ties I am willing to cut myself. Snip snip.

2. I’m still not settled if “starting over” is a positive thing. From the root word (what) “start”, which I think is positive because beginnings are great, right? On the other hand, over means the end, finished, kaput. Who the hell likes endings?? Starting over means having to do everything again. Is that a good thing though? Having to do it, again? It could also mean letting go and moving on (I’m over you). But there are “starting overs” without the letting gos and moving ons. Hmm.

I think “fresh start” is a more positive phrase. It has that tabula rasa feel.

3. The Quiet World by Jeffrey McDaniel is beautiful.

4. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. But I can’t help but be scared all the freaking time. I’m too much of a realist than an optimist. I’m afraid I’m a trying hard optimist. There goes that a-word again. Sorry.

5. I spend too much time interacting with people online and with my books which means one thing — I don’t have a life. Yet. I know I should go out and interact with Baltimore people but… how? Where? I feel lost. Alone, even. My social life will come alive once I get a job.

6. Speaking of books, books are my escape.  I’m running out of supplies meaning I’ll go to the lib later and borrow some more. In the three weeks I’ve been here, I finished five books going on six.

7. In my defense, I do go out.

I go out for my daily walks then I stop and sit on my favorite bench at the park. Just underneath this big ass tree. This activity is very LB-esque. One day, I lied down and watched  a group of boys playing frisbee. I talk to myself too. I practice my English speaking abilities so I won’t freak out on what to answer if I ever I get a job interview. I must’ve looked crazy. And stupid. But I don’t care and people around don’t as well. That’s what I like here.

8. I’m neither bored nor sad. I just feel restless and lonely. Same difference? No.


4 thoughts on “CHOS: Thoughts as of 08/21/12”

  1. As for #4, you shouldn’t be afraid! There’s just so many things to experience and be a part of that there’s just no time to be afraid!

    On the other hand, I can definitely relate with #6, except for me it’s with music. Music is like a direct bridge into my soul. But great post really. It can definitely be hard posting about things like that. (Great photos by the way!) 😛

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