Last week, I experienced a couple of ups and downs. Downs were mostly because of work, while the ups are mainly because of this new obsession of mine — fangirling! I know it’s not a word and that I made a noun into a verb by adding -ing to ‘fangirl’. Do I still sound giddy? Cos I still am!
What made me stressed about work this week is that everyone is busier than usual — myself included. Some major events are happening and will continue ’til next week. I just hope that next week’s going to be better cos I’m afraid I might lose it. I deal perfectly well with pressure and frustration but I have my boiling point. It’s just that everything is confusing for me now. I’ve been entertaining thoughts that I shouldn’t entertain… honestly, I’ve never felt so demotivated. One major factor that contributed to this feeling is that I am frustrated as much as I am demotivated.
I’m losing my sense of purpose.
Why am I even here, anyway? What’s my significance? What are my contributions? Am I even eligible to even participate and share what I think? It’s frustrating that I feel like I’m still in the ‘learning curve’ stage. I’ve been here for almost 7 months and I’m still not that at ease with what I am doing.
I don’t know what to do about it just yet.
Last week I went to the Greatest Hits Concert, right? I’ve been listening to their songs since the 25th and been watching concert videos on Youtube just to relive the moment. So a1 have been really active on Twitter since their gig and since my twitter’s private, I decided to sign up for a new twitter account exclusively for fangirling. Look who my first two followers are!
I know, I know!
March 1, I sent a DM to the a1 account since they’re following me. I also tweeted and mentioned Ben Adams, Mark Read, and Christian Ingebrigsten telling them that if they find time, if they could maybe read this post I have in this blog about my Greatest Hits Concert experience.
Let’s just say my heart skipped a beat when I saw this.
Ben Freaking Adams visited this blog. Ben Freaking Adams read my blog post. I know he didn’t mention me but when I saw his tweet, I know in my heart that I ‘wrote’ that! So I just had to check my post and there it was. THERE IT WAS.
I immediately ping-ed my office friends and cursed like a mad woman. I died of happiness. I almost cried! Thank God for technology. These things make us closer to the people we love and can’t reach. They make ~*fangirLing*~ so easy! Anyway, it’s been 2 days but I still feel giddy whenever I think about it. Haaaay!
I know I need to sort things out. It’s just… I don’t have a plan yet. Well I’m waiting for this thing to happen which will be, naturally, my ‘escape’ in some sort of way. Can I just live life and go with the flow? Will that work?
I wish I could fangirl all day and be paid for it. And maybe I can do things I want to do and do fangirl on the side and it’ll pay a lot.
In short, mukha na akong pera. Speaking of money, I need to save.